May 19, 2014 by kholzhauer
I’ve had a rough weekend. Actually, scratch that. I’ve had a rough couple of months. I’ve been something of an emotional trainwreck, and it honestly sucks big hairy ones. But it wasn’t until this weekend that I put a finger on what’s going on. I may be trying too hard. Now, I’m not saying I shouldn’t try, but I’m putting insane pressure on myself to be all things to all people, and since I’m not doing that perfectly, I’m letting myself feel like a failure. So maybe I’m not the perfect girlfriend, the perfect pole student, the perfect employee, the perfect whatever I am to my boyfriend’s kids. Maybe, by letting myself be good enough, even really good instead of perfect, I can take the pressure off and actually get back to enjoying life.
I’m not saying that being a perfectionist is a terrible thing. I just think I’ve gotten to the point where I really, truly am trying too damn hard to get it all done, and as such, I’m doing a disservice to myself. I’m literally driving myself crazy, and becoming a generally shittier person to be around as a result. And for that, my friends, I’m sorry.
So in the coming weeks, I’m working on digging myself out of the hole I’ve dug myself into. I’m working on saying no to things when they become too much to handle. I’m working on being letting “pretty damn good” be good enough. I’m hoping that taking some of the pressure off myself allows me to be a better girlfriend, friend, coworker, student, dancer, etc. But mostly I’m hoping that taking the pressure off, carving out time for things I love and being a little more patient with myself makes me feel better about being me.